A Dream Deferred

Growing up, it took me a while to figure out what I wanted to be when I grew up.  And at one time, I thought I had it all figured out.  But the many facets of my life constantly pull against one another and I struggle to find a balance and live my dream.  Make that dreams.  Plural.  There are so many things I want to do in this life!  And not because I want to be "accomplished" or anything... but because I want to really LIVE life and truly experience it!  I want to be a well-rounded, multi-faceted person.  I don't want any one singular thing to define me.

In high school, I discovered two passions.  Athletic training and Ag.  I loved them both dearly and pursued a career in athletic training, thinking that Ag could always be done on the side.  Do I have that Ag hobby?  Nope.  Hopefully Emma will want to be involved in 4-H and FFA when she gets older.  Hmm.  A dream deferred.

I always knew I wanted to go to college... and to be an Aggie.  I've been to college, and I will forever be an Aggie.  And I loved every minute and every experience from my time in Aggieland.  And I love being an Aggie Former Student.  That one dream entailed so many wonderful experiences, it should be enough for anyone for a lifetime.  But not me. 

While in college, I discovered that I truly loved teaching.  I knew I wanted more than to be an Athletic Trainer.  I wanted to teach.  And I do.  But there is more to this dream than just the act.  I want to truly make a difference.  I want to inspire young adults to enjoy learning and to realize what they can learn from literature, cultures, and the world around them.  I want to be the kind of teacher that makes a lasting impact on the lives of her students.  A dream in progress, I suppose...

I also always knew I wanted to be a devoted wife and mother.  And I am.  Now, in all honesty, the wife part has been slipping as of late, but only to devote more of myself to the mother part.  There is NO greater joy in my life than my daughter and the little family Mike, Emmalyn and I are.  Sometimes I feel as if my heart will burst from happiness, pride, and love.  Another part of this dream is that I would love to be a stay-at-home-mom someday.  It isn't really possible at this exact moment, but someday.  A dream deferred.

But despite my happiness and successes, there are still other things I want to do.  Things I want to experience.  Deferred dreams that I can't let go of.  Sort of a 'Bucket List' I guess you could say, but much more significant than that. 

I want to travel more.  I want to visit places I've only dreamed of.  I want to see where things began and experience the cultures that have influenced the rest of the world.  (This comes with a money factor, so yet one more dream deferred.)

I want to become a pastry chef.  And I want to open a bakery.  I want to bake delicious treats for people that will warm their hearts and soothe their spirits.  I don't care if I never make a dime's profit... I just want to make people happy with baking.  While this may be feasible, it is not currently happening, so yet another dream deferred.

I want to open a rescue kennel for pit bulls.  I love my dogs and they are truly wonderful pets.  And I believe the entire pit bull breed is highly misunderstood, and seriously mistreated.  I want to rescue these amazing dogs and help them find homes where they will not be abused or mistreated and I want to help educate the public about these dogs, and other breeds that are experiencing the same issues.  A dream deferred.

I want to leave this earth knowing that I have done something worthwhile.  That I have impacted at least one person's life in a positive way, and that something I did actually mattered.  Maybe Ag and baking and traveling the world don't really matter, but maybe they would help me grow into a person who could have a positive impact on the people around me.  Am I pushing my luck?  How many dreams is one person allowed to have?

Friendship

I've been thinking a lot lately about friendship and my friends and all the things that go along with these relationships.  And I have come to the conclusion that I am extremely lucky to have people around me who love me.  I am a true believer that God puts people in our lives at specific times for specific reasons.  It is amazing to me how at some of the most troubling times in my life have produced the most amazing friends!

I never imagined that I would have so many amazing friends and that I would be able to become good friends with so many co-workers!  However, I have learned that in the course of finding such wonderful friends, I've had to let some others go, and I've become distant with some others.  There are some friends that I sincerely miss, and others that I now realize I had to let go of in order to become who I am, and to have room in my heart to hold my new loves.

Here are some pics of SOME of my loves:

Me and my girls out for a Girls Night!

Ashley, Elise, Me, and Jill (we missed you Kendall!!)

Melissa and me at her wedding reception in Hawaii!!

Jess and Emmalyn on the day we brought her home from the hospital.

Shanna and Alexa with Emmalyn

Jeff and me at his wedding rehearsal dinner

Me and my girls at Emma's baby shower!

Kristi, Robin, Me, Jess, Melissa, Shanna (and Allie, of course!)

I love you all and can't begin to tell you how lucky I am to have you in my life!!

One Down, Only 40 to go...

One week down, only 40 more to go until another summer with my Emmalyn.

I survived my first week back at work.  And surprisingly, it wasn't as hard as I had imagined.  Possibly because Emma only went to the babysitter from 8-12 each day, and then she went to work with me for the afternoon.  And really, that was only for Tuesday-Thursday because Monday and Friday I only really worked in the mornings.  Okay, so maybe it all seems a little ridiculous, especially since she will go to the sitter all day starting next week.  However, I think easing in to this really was the best idea since the 3 weeks leading up to going back to work, I was having panic attacks and breaking down crying at every little thing because I didn't want to leave her!

Don't get me wrong... I love my job.  Honestly, I do.  But after spending 4 whole months with my baby girl, I just couldn't imagine having to go do something other than be her mommy all day.  Sure, the lack of adult conversation can be mind-numbing at times, but the heart-warming that comes from raising a beautiful little girls more than makes up for it.

But I went to work, and I survived.  NO doubt that next week will be much harder, longer, and more painful.  But I think that if I can just get into a groove, I can survive.  One day at a time.  Ugh.  Easier said than done.

On the up side, Emma LOVES her babysitter!  And she loves the other kids that go to the babysitter!  Apparently Em is a bit of a social butterfly who is happiest around people (especially kids).  And she is getting really good at taking the bottle!  However, being at the babysitter's has led to Em having an addiction of her own... soft, fuzzy blankets with silky edges!  She fell in love with one, so of course we had to go get one!  I'm wondering if this will turn into an attachment...  

Either way, I'm glad that Em loves her babysitter... if she has to go, she might as well love her!  Now if I can just get through this...

Research and the "C" Word

Note from the writer:  Please let me preface this blog by saying that I LOVE all of my friends and family dearly, and this blog has NOTHING to do with their decisions/choices whatsoever, and I sincerely hope I do not offend any of you.

Research.  Everyone's LEAST favorite part of English class in school.  Except me.  There is something liberating about finding numerous sources that support a topic or argument.  My husband always tells me I should have been a lawyer because I can argue with the best of 'em and I can find supporting proof better than anyone.  So, while in my quest to learn as much as I can about how to care for my daughter in the best way possible, I came upon an interesting topic that has virtually nothing to do with my daughter, but that spurred my curiosity and has made me start digging into the topic.  So, what is this intriguing topic you ask?  Circumcision, of all things.

Until recently I hadn't given much thought to the practice.  It had never really occurred to me, and since I had a baby girl, it wasn't a decision I'd had to really think about when she was born.  But once the topic was brought up (by a NUMBER of other sources I found along the way while looking into things about caring for an infant), I had a MILLION questions. 

I had always heard of two reasons for circumcision.  One, it was a practice of the Jewish faith.  I am not Jewish, so I know next to nothing about this.  The second was because circumcision supposedly kept boys "cleaner".  Little did I know that I was seriously misinformed and essentially ignorant to ALL facts related to this entire topic.  So I started reading everything I could get my hands on.  And I still am.  I am by no means an expert on this topic, but I am hoping to learn as much as I can about the issue. 

The first thing that comes to mind when I think about circumcision is "Why?"  I believe that God does not make mistakes.  And he certainly wouldn't make a mistake and then ask MAN to fix it.  (This is by  no means an argument against the Jewish religion or their reasonings for circumcision because I don't exactly know those reasons.  This is just my personal thought on the entire matter.)  Why would I permanently alter what God created, and without my child's permission?  Mike and I recently had a discussion about piercing Emmalyn's ears, and I am of the belief that she should get them pierced when she's old enough to ASK for it.  To me, it is somewhat the same concept.  No child's body should be permanently altered without their consent, especially when it is something as important as a penis.  (Yes, I said penis.)  However, this is just my opinion and I have used no research to support it.

So, that leads me to the research that I have found so far.

The first thing I ran across was a video of an infant circumcision.  I was so disturbed and upset that I broke down crying and literally had nightmares about my child being tortured.  And right then and there I vowed that my son (if I ever have one) would NEVER go through such an awful procedure unless it was absolutely medically necessary (as in the only way to save the organ or his life).  But one video is not enough justification to make such a medical decision, is it?  So I began to research more.  You can see the video for yourself HERE, but let me warn you... it is heart wrenching.

In this age of technology and blogging and online medical advise, where do many people turn for answers to their medical questions?  Web MD is one of the first resources to come to mind.  So, what does WebMD have to say about circumcision?  "Circumcision is not usually medically needed."  and  "Male circumcision is a surgery to remove the foreskin, a fold of skin that covers and protects the rounded tip of the penis. The foreskin provides sensation and lubrication for the penis. In most cases, circumcision is elective surgery, which means there isn't a medical reason for it." (WebMD)

I have heard the rationalization that infants do not feel pain, or have diminished pain.  In an article published in the Journal of the American Academy of Pediatrics, researchers found much, much differently.  Access the article HERE.  HERE is an article about pain management during circumcision.

Reasons such as "I want my son to look like his father", "An uncircumcised penis looks gross", and "I don't want my son to be made fun of in the locker room" are not even considered into this reasoning.  Mainly because this is superficial and these reasons put circumcision into the realm of "cosmetic surgery" on an infant who is only hours old and I find that abhorrent.  My daughter looks exactly like her father and almost nothing like me.  So would that make it right for me to change her features (without anesthesia, mind you) in order to make her look more like me?  I think not.  Or what about the girls who get boobs before all of their friends (and trust me, there is some chastising that goes along with this, from both boys AND girls)?  Should we remove them at birth in order to prevent girls from being made fun of for being different?  Hardly.

I am currently equating infant circumcision to female genital mutilation.  Hasn't FGM been outlawed everywhere and don't we speak ill of countries who allowed their women and girls to be tortured in these ways?  So why do we allow it to happen to our boys?

I have yet to find some solid information on men who were intact and later chose to be circumcised during adulthood.  I am interested to hear what these men have to say.

I could go on and on and on with all the resources and opinions and such. Each source leads to 10+ other sources and more and more... I am discovering amazing things! Next week I plan to hit up the bookstore to see if I can find some of the books that I've seen used in professional articles and papers.

Please do not misunderstand.  I am looking at both sides of the arguments, but I think everyone knows which way I lean, based on what I have seen.  I think everyone, especially parents who are having children (and even more especially, parents who are having sons) should look into this deeply and thoroughly and decide where they stand on the issue.  If you decide that circumcision is wrong, not for parents to decide, should not be performed, etc., then spread your knowledge.  Help others to learn what you know and to keep from making an uninformed, life-altering decision for their child.

Even if you are dead-set in your beliefs, take a moment to see the other side of the argument.  Just check out some information about the subject.

Here are a few resources:
WebMD
Foreskin.org
Intact America
Peaceful Parenting - A research-based site that focuses on the health, development, happiness, and well-being of children.
National Organization of Circumcision Information Resource Centers
Circumcision Videos - More than just videos of circumcision, they tell the story behind why so many people are opposing this procedure.

Obsession #3... More Hippie-ness

Well it has been a while since I blogged about all these crazy obsessions.  So here we go with another one! 

Baby-Wearing.  (I know what many of you are thinking, "Um, what in the world is baby wearing?  And why in the hell would I want to do it?"

First, babywearing is exactly what it sounds like.  You wear your baby as opposed to hauling them in your arms or in an infant carrier.  It is much easier than lugging around the infant carrier (where it is hard to fit  places and my poor baby sweats to death) and worrying that it is going to tip out of the grocery basket or something.  You are going to carry them one way or another, so why not make it as easy as possible?

Second, babywearing is actually great for many reasons other than convenience.  Babywearing helps with motor, emotional, and cognitive development and allows for lots of snuggle time!  (The websites below list specific benefits from babywearing)

This obsession feeds right into my shopaholic nature as well!  Who knew there were so many types and SO many gorgeous colors!?!? 

I knew I wanted to baby-wear before Emmalyn was born.  However, I was leery about the slings on the market (apparently this was a good thing, since most of the slings were taken off the market shortly after Em was born).  I wanted something sturdy and something that felt more natural than a "backpack" or a sling that felt like it was swinging around when I moved.  So I looked into true "wraps." 

The first wrap I found, due to my limited knowledge at the time, was the Moby wrap.  It was moderately priced, ranging from $40-$70 per wrap.  I ordered from Babies R Us and I chose a neutral green color and was amazed at how soft the wrap was when it arrived.  I immediately started practicing how to tie it, even though I was about to pop!

I loved the Moby up until Emmalyn was about 6 weeks old.  Then it seemed like no matter how tight I tied it, it would become loose and feel "saggy".  And, by mid-May in Houston, that thing was HOT!  So I stopped using it, much to my dismay.  Then, yet another tip from Angela... woven wraps.

How had I never heard of these??  So I looked at all the different kinds of wraps I could find, and ordered 2 more.  I have never been happier with a purchase (not even with a shoe purchase, and THAT is something to marvel at)  in all my life!

The first wrap that came in was the EllaRoo wrap (I ordered the Ysabel color).  It is super light-weight and has gorgeous, thick stripes of rich colors.  It has fringe/tassles on the ends, which I think gives it a more delicate feel.

Em loving her EllaRoo while shopping.  She likes to be in a  more vertical position and able to look around.

The next woven wrap I got was the Neobulle in Manon Rouge.  This thing is GORGEOUS!!  My pictures cannot, in any way, do it justice!  I got it in a longer length so I could do all the wraps and still have some fabric hanging after tying.  This wrap is SOOO super-soft and still surprisingly light weight.  I can't wait to buy this wrap in more colors!  (See the obsession?)

Em sleeping in her Neobulle wrap.

Other wraps I love, but have not purchased (yet):

The Bali Baby Breeze in Haumea print

The Bali Baby Breeze in Orion

(The Bali Baby Breeze wraps are gauze-type wraps.  I have never used one before but they look super lightweight and remind me of a sarong!  And they have some wonderful colors and prints!)

Cherry Blossom Didymos

The EllaRoo LaRae

The Girasol Blue Lagoon

Neobulle Manon Grise (not the best picture of these pretty colors!)

Storchenwiege Inka

I can't wait to get my hands on some of these!  Babywearing has turned out to be such an awesome experience, and Emmalyn truly loves it!  I have a feeling I will be wearing her for a long time to come... even after she can walk!  My wrap sources are listed below!

http://www.wrapyourbaby.com/

http://www.pieceofcloth.com/

http://www.granolababies.com/

http://www.sweet-pickles.com/

Frustrated!

So I've been doing a lot of thinking lately (amazing, I know).  But there is something that is really bothering me. 

Lets think about what we do before we buy a new car.  We look at all the different makes and models.  We find a few that will fit our needs, and then we research all of them thoroughly.  We compare a million different qualities of these cars side-by-side and then factor in all the positives and negatives before we choose a car.  (I have been doing this myself lately, so I know a bit about it.)  How responsible would it be to just run out and buy the first random car we saw without researching it, test driving it, etc.  Not very.

And what about dogs?  Before we get a dog we research everything about it, how to take care of it, what to feed it, etc.  We get prepared, right?  As any responsible dog owner would!

So please tell me WHY people enter into the world of parenthood without researching ANYTHING!  Not that all people do this, but not all do, and even those that do research some things leave many important topics un-researched and end up making uneducated decisions that can be life-altering for them and their child!

From pregnancy through a child's entire life, parents should know what is going on.  They should know the truth what is going on with a woman's body during pregnancy, labor, delivery, and just as importantly - postpartum! 

This information is not solely found with the woman's doctor.  Women especially, but their partners as well, should know how to turn over stone after stone in order to find as much information as they can about how to take care of themselves and their unborn child during pregnancy. 

BEFORE the child is born, shouldn't parents know something about what is going to happen once it arrives?  Don't we research how to house-break a puppy?  I'm not just talking about the fact that the baby will eat, sleep, and go to the bathroom.  Shouldn't parents know everything they can about their child and how to care for it?  How to make INFORMED decisions about their child, its health care, babysitters, etc.?

I guess I just really can't understand how people make decisions about themselves and their tiny little baby without doing all the possible research beforehand!

Sorry, just needed to vent...

Are there Louboutin's on Venus?

Before Emmalyn arrived, my shopping consisted of a few things in addition to necessities:  home furnishings, clothes (for both me and Mike), and shoes.  Now days I try to restrain myself because I know my money would be better spent on my daughter.  But sometimes, a girl just needs a new pair of shoes!!  Or a new dress!  Especialy if its something she's been eyeing for a while!  

I enjoy bargain shopping.  I LIKE to find the very best deal I can on a particular item.  So I do my research before I ever leave home, and then I compare prices before I buy.  This is mostly true with home furnishings.  But I enjoy making sure I have gotten my money's worth.  I work hard for my money (and so does my husband), so I don't want to just throw it away.

 Don't misunderstand.  I LOVE all things fabulous.  And I justify my fabulous splurges on my bargain shopping in all other areas.  Some of my current fabulous favorites:

Egyptian-inspired dress with gold and pewter beading

Black Diane von Fursternberg Tie-Front Heaton Dress

 

Embroidered Silk Dress in navy

Christian Louboutin Poseidon in Gold

The ever-versatile nude pump (Yves Saint Laurent).  I like these because they have a slight pink sheen!

My favorites (and my next shoe purchase!) Nude, silver-studded Louboutin slingback!

How do men not understand that this kind of shopping is our equivalent to their stupid shopping?  My husband spends money on things like video game consoles and games, a projector and surround sound system for his media room, and other such things that I find irrelevant.  But he can't understand why I find just as much joy from buying (and wearing as often as possible) a fabulous pair of shoes!!  I guess men really are from Mars...