Yesterday I went to the hospital to visit the father of one of my very best friends. He is currently battling cancer for the second time and is in the hospital with complications from a combination of things.
When he first started this second battle, it was right before Emmalyn was born. I remember my friend telling me that he had cancer and I remember the feeling I got. Sick to my stomach. All I could think was "Nothing can happen to him. It would break my friend to the point of no return. He is her rock and one of the greatest men I've ever known. He is the closest thing to a father figure that I have. And the closest thing to a grandfather that my daughter has. Nothing can happen to him... the world would just fall apart. And so would my friend."
Once they figured out where all the cancer was and determined a course of treatment, it became evident that he would have both radiation and chemotherapy. The treatment wasn't the most traumatic part at that point. It was the fact that he was going to lose his hair. Don't get me wrong, he is by no means a vain man, but he had GORGEOUS hair that even Fabio would kill for. It was the only way I've ever seen him... with hair often longer than mine. In my mind, it was his "signature look." And, being the man that he is, he did not want to wait for the radiation to take his hair. So he buzzed it off. I can only imagine what that was like for him. The first time I saw him with no hair was the day my daughter was born. It was such an amazing day and I was so happy that he and my friend were there. But when he walked in that room and I saw him for the first time, it was suddenly a very real thing to me. Cancer. I started to cry. I was mad. And sad. Not for the loss of his hair, but for the battle he was (and still is) to endure. That bald head just made it very apparent that this was really happening to the people I love. Little did I know that the heartbreak would continue, and worsen, over the next few months.
When I walked into that hospital room yesterday, a different man was lying in the bed. The physical changes were the most shocking at first. He has lost so much weight! And I could tell he was tired... physically, mentally, and emotionally. But he put on a brave face through everything. The needles and procedures and testing... It was heartbreaking to watch such a vibrant, loving man go through such a thing. And it is still not over. There are still two more months (at least) of chemo and scans and testing and procedures to go.
HOW is this fair?? I wouldn't wish this disease on anyone, but why does it seem to only torture the good ones? Maybe because they are the only ones who can deal with it. Physically, mentally, and emotionally. I think he is more emotionally together than my friend and I combined. I watched her yesterday, and maybe its because I know her so well or because we are so much alike, but I noticed the face she puts on. I can tell that she's scared and worried, but she will never show it. And there is nothing I can do to make the situation any better, any easier. So how do you deal? What do you do? It seems like there is nothing to do but sit around and watch the torture continue. The helpless feeling is... well, it sucks.
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
Motherhood Causes Obsessions, Part I
Since the day my husband and I decided to get pregnant, I have been obsessed with every detail of my pregnancy and my daughter and how to give her the very best of everything on our limited budget. I poured over every website and book I could get my hands on during my pregnancy. And now that Emmalyn is here, I can't stop searching for the best in everything for babies and mommies! Of course, I stole info and ideas from every mother I know and used their knowledge and ideas to spur my own research. And in my research I encountered some seriously interesting and crazy stuff.
My first three obsessions were breastfeeding, cloth diapering, and baby wearing. There are others, but since I'm a new mom, I'll have to do this in parts.
My first obsession (even before Emmalyn was born) was breastfeeding. I knew I wanted to breastfeed from the very beginning, but since I had never done it before I wanted to make sure I was fully informed and that I set us up to be successful. So I read everything I could get my hands on and went to a breastfeeding class. I also talked to my friends who had breastfed their babies. I soon discovered there are TONS of resources for breastfeeding mothers! The La Leche League is apparently the best place to find any and all information about breastfeeding. My wonderful friend gave me her book, The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding, and it is a wonderfully comprehensive book for both mothers AND fathers!
I never thought something so simple could be so satisfying! There is nothing like the bond I feel with my daughter or knowing that I am giving her the very best thing I possibly can for her health! Plus, I love not having to take bottles and such with me everywhere I go. Everything I need is already in perfect form and ready to go! I DO often take a cover with me (I'm all about women breastfeeding in public, but not so sure I would want one of my students to see me at the mall or something) but I don't often find it necessary to use it. However, now that Em will be going to the sitter in about a month (SOOOO sad!!), we are using occasional bottles of pumped breastmilk at home so she will get used to the idea (and she is NOT a fan!). I know things are going to get MUCH harder when I go back to work... with having to pump and refrigerate/freeze... but I am determined to do it! My goal is to exclusively breastfeed for the first 6 months, then continue breastfeeding for her first year of life, even after we introduce solid (or mushed-up) foods.
As wonderful as breastfeeding is, it can be really hard if you don't have people to support you. Luckily my family and friends have been AMAZING! They all love me and Emmalyn and want the very best for her, so they have encouraged me to do what I need to do! It is amazing how much easier it is to do something like this with a good support system! Thank you to all my wonderful friends and family!
While discovering the bliss of breastfeeding, I have also discovered that there is a whole other side of this topic I never even knew existed! Apparently there is a portion of the (mostly American) public who think that breastfeeding is unnatural and gross. While I cannot understand their reasoning, I refuse to engage in debate with these people. Don't get me wrong, I have friends who chose not to breastfeed, and I am totally okay with their making that choice (how can I not be? It is THEIR choice!) But because of this discovery, I am making a point to tell everyone I can about the benefits of breastfeeding, the joys of breastfeeding, and to share the resources I have found so that women can make INFORMED decisions about breastfeeding and are not fed the old wives tales and "solutions" to breastfeeding problems. Here are some of the resources I have found helpful:
The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding: http://store.llli.org/public/profile/201
La Leche League International: http://www.llli.org/
Best For Babes: http://www.bestforbabes.org/
The next obsession: Cloth Diapering... to come when I have more time because this one is a doozie!!
My first three obsessions were breastfeeding, cloth diapering, and baby wearing. There are others, but since I'm a new mom, I'll have to do this in parts.
My first obsession (even before Emmalyn was born) was breastfeeding. I knew I wanted to breastfeed from the very beginning, but since I had never done it before I wanted to make sure I was fully informed and that I set us up to be successful. So I read everything I could get my hands on and went to a breastfeeding class. I also talked to my friends who had breastfed their babies. I soon discovered there are TONS of resources for breastfeeding mothers! The La Leche League is apparently the best place to find any and all information about breastfeeding. My wonderful friend gave me her book, The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding, and it is a wonderfully comprehensive book for both mothers AND fathers!
I never thought something so simple could be so satisfying! There is nothing like the bond I feel with my daughter or knowing that I am giving her the very best thing I possibly can for her health! Plus, I love not having to take bottles and such with me everywhere I go. Everything I need is already in perfect form and ready to go! I DO often take a cover with me (I'm all about women breastfeeding in public, but not so sure I would want one of my students to see me at the mall or something) but I don't often find it necessary to use it. However, now that Em will be going to the sitter in about a month (SOOOO sad!!), we are using occasional bottles of pumped breastmilk at home so she will get used to the idea (and she is NOT a fan!). I know things are going to get MUCH harder when I go back to work... with having to pump and refrigerate/freeze... but I am determined to do it! My goal is to exclusively breastfeed for the first 6 months, then continue breastfeeding for her first year of life, even after we introduce solid (or mushed-up) foods.
As wonderful as breastfeeding is, it can be really hard if you don't have people to support you. Luckily my family and friends have been AMAZING! They all love me and Emmalyn and want the very best for her, so they have encouraged me to do what I need to do! It is amazing how much easier it is to do something like this with a good support system! Thank you to all my wonderful friends and family!
While discovering the bliss of breastfeeding, I have also discovered that there is a whole other side of this topic I never even knew existed! Apparently there is a portion of the (mostly American) public who think that breastfeeding is unnatural and gross. While I cannot understand their reasoning, I refuse to engage in debate with these people. Don't get me wrong, I have friends who chose not to breastfeed, and I am totally okay with their making that choice (how can I not be? It is THEIR choice!) But because of this discovery, I am making a point to tell everyone I can about the benefits of breastfeeding, the joys of breastfeeding, and to share the resources I have found so that women can make INFORMED decisions about breastfeeding and are not fed the old wives tales and "solutions" to breastfeeding problems. Here are some of the resources I have found helpful:
The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding: http://store.llli.org/public/profile/201
La Leche League International: http://www.llli.org/
Best For Babes: http://www.bestforbabes.org/
The next obsession: Cloth Diapering... to come when I have more time because this one is a doozie!!
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
Mommyhood ~ Not As Easy As It Seems...
So I'm 3 months into the most amazing, most challenging experience of my life. And ever single minute is worth it, but sometimes I think I am going to go bald... or prematurely gray. There just aren't enough hours in the day. And I don't have enough hands. And every single day it seems like I learn something new. Something that it seems like I should have known BEFORE. So, these revelations have inspired me to blog about my pregnancy, birth, and mommy experience. And to catalog all the crazy things I learn along the way, and the resources that are helpful, interesting, and just plain crazy. Who knew there was SO much to know?? The inspiration for my constant search for the best of everything...
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